i've decided i don't like Monday

Not for the traditional reasons, i work most weekends so Monday is neither the start nor the end of anything. i hate them because everyone else hates them. People are lethargic and sometimes even pissy. Everyone is in a funk and not yet "in the groove". Even in my line of work when most folks have worked at least part of the last 2 days. The second day of every week should just be 'National don't expect a cheery disposition of anyone' day. Then people would be prepared for the downer.

There it is.

New Year meme

i *think* i stole this from Padme, but I am not 100% sure. If someone would like to lay claim to it, i will happily amend this post.

New Year meme!
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Made a Bucket List. Oh, that sounds like a blog post. i don't think i have ever published it.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i don't make resolutions, too disappointing. i do however, make a vision board. i did NOT accomplish most of last year's vision board, but i aimed it pretty darn high.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope. Very sad.
4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes, also very sad.
5. What countries did you visit? Didn't travel at all this year, and that makes me happy.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? More free time. A better schedule for personal obligations, house cleaning, manicures, dog park, things like that. Need to be better organized so those things ALWAYS occur.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Daddy's birthday, it was awesome. Daddy's surgery, it made us what we are.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Does not going bonkers count? No, probably MY biggest acheivement was learning to ask for help. i have learned to rely on Him and some of His family. Never thought that would happen. Is BIG for me.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Some doomed personal relationships. Not handling it well, not managing it right.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, my health is spotty, but not seriously. If i took better care of myself it would be a non-issue.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My puppy.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine. i made some HUGE steps this year.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine! While that is true, really my x husband was worse.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Back into my business.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My business. Some great things happened for us this year.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Kid Beyond "Mothership".
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter?c) richer or poorer? Happier, Fatter, Poorer (but is OK, richer is forthcoming)
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Taken time for myself.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Given my time to people who didn't deserve it.
20. How did you spend Christmas? With friends both days. Once with His people and once with mine. Both were fantastic.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008? No, but i think i realized i WAS in 2008.
22. How many one-night stands? None
23. What was your favourite TV program? True Blood. Loved the books, loved the show and that never happens.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No. Let go of hate this year.
25. What was the best book you read? The Verona Files.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? My morning jacket.
27. What did you want and get? Stability.
28. What did you want and not get? Independance (this is not about Him)
29. What was your favorite film of this year? Too many, don't think i can do this one. MANY MANY good films this year.
30. What did you do on your birthday? Worked. Then spent time with friends. It was awesome.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Being able to look in the mirror each day and know i've done the right thing, and acted with integrity. Not always true in the past.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Simple and Chic. i tried to make it easier this year. Streamline.
33. What kept you sane? Daddy and my puppy.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? John McCain
35. What political issue stirred you the most? Bail Outs
36. Who did you miss? My Father
37. Who was the best new person you met? Daddy's best friend and my new friend.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. i learned it was OK to trust people. i learned that some people are REALLY there for you and those are the people you hang onto.

Wow, not so fun as some. i like it though!

Not so smart, but really disappointed.

So, there is this nice person (man) who several friends had mentioned was really nice, fun etc. Lifestyle person. Didn't know much about him, but knew he was around regularly, so i emailed him to say "hello"since i had endorsments from several people. Thinking the more people we meet, the better. We are friendly folks!

We had a friendly email exchange and then he showed up at the holiday party we were attending. Yeah, get to meet the new friend. Nice guy, seemed lonely tho. Was thinking about inviting him to our NYE plans to give him something to do.

Then today when i get home Daddy tells me we had email from this person. COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE EMAIL WITH COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE PICTURES. i am SO disappointed. i am thinking 'new lifestyle pal' all the while he thinks he is being scouted. Should i have known, i suppose. Did i? NOPE. So i am disappointed (bad), i feel WAY stupd (bad), Daddy is scolding me (worse).

Apparently one can not be just friendly. Very sad indeed.

Angry, Angry, Angry

So, we had a holiday party last night and it was super fun. My suggestions had been since we were all dressed up we should make some porn. He, of course, had other ideas.

He blindfolded me and wanted me to guess what He was using on me. OK, sounds fun! All was well until He decided to use that damn paddle. No idea why it happens, but i get ANGRY every time He does. It makes me a little sad, but i yell and swear and get ANGRY. Pretty sure it isn't about the pain (although it HURTS!!!!), but WOW do i get mad. i get sassy even, talk back.

i've given alot of thought to this. Figuring out why this happens i mean. It takes me right out of that space where i can focus and breathe and take it for him. Doesn't take me out of it, it jerks me out of it rather violently. Try as i might i couldn't keep it from happening. i just kept thinking if i was quiet and managed to ride it out i could get past it. However He kept asking me questions, and making me answer...and WOW was i mean.

His reaction amazes me as well. It seems like (or maybe it is just my perception) He lets up when i get like that. Eases up i mean. What seemed like a very short time later it was over. i was too angry to talk about it, too embarassed to talk about it after. It wasn't that i wanted to STOP, or even wanted to control that situation, but sort of wished it could go a different direction. Hated that it stoppped on THAT note.

So now i am angry because i get angry (only a girl!)! i just hate this. Need to work on this, so i need to figure it out. Off to do that, more later.

Boys are just...YUCKY!

It isn't bad enough that i have to look at the "great wall of penis" every time i want to log on and chat, but i now also have to figure out what to do with weird little men propositioning me on our couples profile.

There are a whole host of problems i have with this. First, we EXCLUDED subbie boys from our interests, neither of us are into that. Secondly, we aren't looking for ANYONE. Friends, sure, an occasional couple to play with or whatever, but it isn't like we advertised "we want a whatever".

One person caught me in the chat room and said "hey, i saw you at coffee the other day and you're HOT". Well, if they saw me, they certainly saw HIM. i would have left it at weird construction-site like comment but he proceeded to proposition me (no question what it was), and i found myself grateful He wasn't in the room-we frequently chat while we do other things, He on His profile, me on ours. That would have been less than pretty. The guy was just so damn disrespectful. If he has met me in RL, you would think some social boundaries would apply.

Rant over...but i have decided boys are just yucky sometimes.

I should just stop reading threads at Fetlife

grrrrr..... i get SO frustrated with people sometimes. The blow the smallest things out of proportion and blow their stacks over the silliest things. No, it wasn't directed at me, but oh my goodness. So silly.

"YOU AREN'T DOING IT RIGHT!"

So, i was talking to a relatively new person the other day and she was all in a "huff" (trust me this is a good word for her state) about her current situation. She was complaining that her Dom would not give her what she wanted. She said her first Dom said she had the makings of a "pain slut" (a term i hate) and this Dom just won't push her far enough.



i share with her (silly me trying to help) that remember, there are TWO people in this thing, and it isn't always about one. Perhaps what she wants isn't what new Dom wants. Perhaps NOT giving it to her is part of his sinister plan. i tell her that if she just enjoys her moments with this person she might find a different kind of connection that is just as satisfying and perhaps she is too focused on what she doesn't have, instead of focusing on what she does. me = just trying to give her a different perspective and find a positive way for her to look at it.



She then proceeds to tell me about how there is no point to this if she can't get into the headspace she wants to, and how she will go out and find someone who will etc etc. FYI: this was directed at a "you can't possibly understand" sort of way, it wasn't respectful at all. So, i wished her luck and ended the conversation because i clearly DIDN'T understand because i have never been a 'scene' sort of girl. My relationship is full-time and we are exclusive-if we do things with others (public etc) we are together, always.



i know many people (and it seems to be more common than my own relationship) who both swing and have multiple "play" partners seperate from their relationship. That part i can understand, it just seemed so sad to dismiss people because they weren't doing it "right". When all other aspects of their relationship (i don't know what they are to each other so i've decided not to call it anything to be safe) seemed to be fantastic.



i would welcome the thinking of folks with different kinds of relationships. i know we have several in our community. i think perhaps my scope is too narrow to fairly assess. It just seems to me that searching for something in narrow confines would leave you out of so many things. i just think you would spend alot of time searching for something specific when you could be having wonderful experiences of all kinds.


Chime in folks...want to hear your thoughts on this. Isn't a deal for me, just curious about what you think.